A blog about everything!

Friday, May 13, 2011

My top ten favorite song (At the moment)

Troll 2 review: Part 2

So I left off my review where Holly and her boyfriend Elliot were talking and he agreed to go to Nilbog with them. Let's cut to the next scene...

It's the next day and Holly is upset because her boyfriend never showed up. Her and her father (Michael) are now fighting about her boyfriend. She insists he is a good guy (Even though he sleeps with his friends) and the he isn't buying it. That is when the mother pipes up. She has had enough of this fighting! She turns to Joshua in the back seat of the car and says
'Come on Joshua! Sing that song I like so much!'

'Aw mom, I don't feel like singing.'

'Just sing!'

Then Joshua starts singign a very...weird choice of song. Row, row, row your boat. What? Why that song? Why is that the song his mother likes so much? I haven't liked that song since I was five. I thought the song would be something from Guns and Roses or Bon Jovi or even somethign from Broadway, but Row, row, row your boat? That's...Umm. Very, very odd. Poor kid he's in a crazy family.

So the whole family starts singing Row, row, row your boat at different times and the result is very strange.

Meanwhile this is going on, Elliot (The sisters boyfriend) and his friends are trying to find Nilbog and are driving there in an...RV trailer!??!? yes. because every teenage gets their own RV trailer. Why he decided to go there with his friends instead of his girlfriend even when she told him NOT to bring his friends and she hates that he sees them. Maybe he's getting back at her for kicking him in the groin? I guess so...

In the car Joshua wakes up to find green watery goo spilling all over himself and twigs and leaves growing out of his fingers.

'Stop the car! I'm sick!' he yells. I guess being sick means sweating green disgusting goo?

His family turns around and looks at him menacingly telling him he ate too much and he stuffed himself like a pig. Then his whole family turn into trolls (Which Charlie Sheen would hate, we all know he hates trolls) The trolls kind of look like.... well

yeah, like that.

So anyways, Joshua wakes up screaming about the trolls trying to eat him and finds out that no one has turned into a troll, they're actually still just bad actors.
'Was i dreaming?' he asks.

'Who wants to eat you little brother?' Yes, because everyone calls their siblings 'Big/little brother or sister'. They don't call them by their names....

As the car keeps going Joshua sees Grandpa Seth on the side of the road holding a sign that says "Stop them!" He tells his father to stop the car and runs out to see his grandfather. His Grandfather warns him again about the Goblins! If his grandfather is dead and a ghost can't he just go to his parents and tell them to stay away from Nilbog? I mean, his parents would beileve a ghost. EVen if they don't beileve him... I don't think Grandpa Seth thought this one out...
So, his family calls him back in the car and Grandpa Seth turns back into a homeless guy on the road. They leave the guy there without even giving him change. Geez, how rude?

When they finally get to Nilbog they meet the family they will be switching houses with. They're a very eerie family dressed like they're from the pioneer times. Joshua looks at them and sees that they all have the same birth mark. The birthmark kind of looks like silly putty...

Then they take the keys and go in to explore their temporary home. They find that the family has left a meal for them on the table! The meal consists of corn with green goo on it, a green jug of liquid, and some other green covered food. Joshua knows better than to eat the food (Which of course would turn him into a Goblin) but his family doesn't. Who the hell would eat food with green goo on it anyways? I wouldn't. Even if I didn't know it would turn me into a Goblin...

Joshua hears a tapping on the window and sees it's Grandpa Seth.
Grandpa Seth tells Joshua that he cannot let them eat and stops time for 30 seconds so Joshua can figure out how to get them to stop.
Grandpa Seth can stop time? Awesome! Why doesn't he just send them back home then!!?!

Joshua walks around the table for what I know is MUCH longer than 30 seconds trying to decide what to do to get them to stop eating. His family though suppose to be frozen are still blinking and shaking.
Then he gets an amazing idea: Why doesn't he just pee on the food!?
Yes. Pee.

The next scene is his father holding Joshua over his shoulder and bringing him upstairs in a rage.
'You see this!?' He yells pointing at rooms with their names written on them.
'Do you know what that means?' He asks joshua.
'It means hospitality and you can't piss on hospitality I WON'T ALLOW IT!'

'What are you going to do to me daddy?' Asks joshua as his father plays with his belt. Ummmm...... is he going to spank him with the belt? That's horrible!
But no! He was just tightning his belt by one loop to resist hunger pains! of course! That makes a lot of sense!
He then challenges Joshua to see who can go without food the longest, because his father says he actually did suffer from starvation when he was younger. That's terrible! Why? What was his family life like? Why did they just bring this up? Why don't they go home and get their son a therapist? We never hear of this hunger strike again...

A picture from the 'You can't piss on hospitality' scene.

Well, that's it for part 2. I'll be back to write part 3.

Troll 2 review: Part 1

Troll 2.
Usually when you think cult movies, you think ‘Rocky Horror’. Rocky horror is the well known musical cult movie famous for being risqué and just pretty awesome. Well, this movie is a cult movie, but not a sing along one with a transvestite. This is Troll 2.

Troll 2 is famous for being what they call 'The best worst movie ever'. I couldn't agree more. It follows the adventures of Joshua, a young boy and his dead Grandfather warning him not to go on vaction in the town 'Nilbog' because there are goblins who run the town disguised as people and they want to turn Joshua into a plant and eat him. Strange, right?

The story starts out with Joshua in bed as a bearded amn reads him a story. He tells him about The Goblins and how they live in Nilbog where Joshua will be on vacation tommorow and all they want is to eat him and his family. The man telling him the story is Grandpa Seth! Pretty much the most badass Grandpa out there. He tells Joshua to do anything he can to stop his family from going there because the Goblins have special food that will turn them into plants and then they will devour them. The reason they must be plants first is because the Goblins are vegan. How healthy!

Meanwhile Joshuas sister Holly is in her room lifting weights for some reason, when she sees a face over her and screams. but it's not a Goblin, only Joshua knows about them. It's her boyfriend, Elliot.
"Oh my god Elliot!" She yells. "You scared the shit out of me!"
Then Elliot says something I can't understand (They both have incredible lisps)
and tells her "I have to release my instincts with a woman"
Then she knees him in the balls. What the hell!? Talk about abusive relationships!
"Release your instincts in the bathroom" She tells him. Oh my god...
"Are you nuts?" Says Elliot back "You trying to turn me into a homo?"
Then Holly says...
"It wouldn't be too hard, if my dad finds out you're here, he'll cut off your little nuts and eat them!"
What? Why does her dad want to eat his nuts? Why would that make him a homo? Do gay men not have balls?

She then tells him that she likes him (Despite kicking him in the crotch) but her family doesn't because he spends way too much time with his friends. He then tells her he never sees his friends! And of course his friends are waiting outside for him.

'What's wrong with having friends?' Says Elliot.

'Nothing if you want to remain a virgin the rest of your life. You take them to bed with you too! And I don't beileve in group sex.' Wait...huh?

Why does he sleep with his friends? And how old is Holly to be talking about group sex? She looks around 14 to me...

The next bit of lines may be the worst lines EVER spoken in a movie. Ever.

Elliot: 'I heard your family was going on vacation tommorow?'

Holly: 'Yes! To a small empty town called Nilbog. It's an exchange a family from there will come live in our house ane we'll live in theirs'

Elliot: 'Can I come with you?'

Holly: 'Sure! I'll tell my dad you're coming tommorow!'

WHAT!? If her dad and whole fmaily hate him then why would he go on vacation with the,!? Her dads going to cut his little nuts of and eat them! AHH!!

Well, thats the end of my Troll 2 part 1 review. I will go on and write the next part soon.

My favorite poet.

My favorite poet of all time would have to be Edgar Allan poe. I started reading him at age nine and I've been hooked ever since. The way he tells stories of Romance, horror, and sometimes even humour is amazing. Here is my favorite poem. The raven.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

About me.

I just decided to make a blog randomly, probably no one will read it and it will be a waste of time, but you never know, right?

My name is Lisabeth, I always wanted to put my book and movie reviews online. I read a lot of books and watch a lot of movies, due to my lack of social skills so I wrote some reviews in my wordpad document. Hopefully you'll read them whoever the hell you are. I do realize that almost NO blogs get famous, even if some are kind of interesting, and I don't know how to get people to read my blog but I have read about three internet posts on how to make your blog famous, so maybe it will work.

Here's a list of my favorite things:

favorite TV shows:

Glee, (Even though i don't really tell people that...)

Mad men,

30 Rock,

Twilight Zone,

My favorite books,

Harry Potter series,

Weetzie Bat series,

The Alice series,

Carrie (The best teen book ever)

Probably anything by Stephen king.

My favorite movies,

The Harry Potter movies,

Halloween,

Mean girls,

Childs play,

IT

The Shining,

Hope you enjoy!